Cheat To Win

daveholmes:

When I was 9, my parents threw a birthday party for some old great-aunt or -uncle or other and invited the whole massive extended family. We’re Irish, so it was packed. Last to arrive was my great-uncle Freddy, a jolly widower who had recently taken up painting. He showed up with a huge package and gave it to my parents. “This is foryou,” he said. “Open it right now!” 

They did. It was a huge painting of my mother. HUGE. 

And it was…

“Oh! MY! FREDDY! This is…thank you!” My mom said, through the clenched teeth of the smile a mother smiles when company’s over.

After everyone went home, we sat at the dining room table and looked at that painting. It was just all wrong. The skin tone was cadaverous, the eyes were off center, and she had 900 teeth. It was CRAZY. And the thing was, we loved Uncle Freddy, and he did tend to drop by from time to time. So this big, dumb thing we didn’t ask for was going to have to be hung in our home. 

“Well,” my Dad sighed. “This is ours now.” 

That is exactly how I feel this morning, as a gay man, about “Born This Way.” 

Brilliant, Dave.  Honestly.