Cheat To Win

Oh, Coach Taylor.  I miss having you in my life.  Please come back.

No.1vak always gets an automatic reblog.

I typically don’t vote for Republicans. I also try not to vote with my libido.

Though it’s been impossible this Fall not to notice how the GOP debates have played out like soap operas. I’m not talking about all the in-fighting. Put the TV on mute and the comparison still holds. The crop of wannabe 2012 Republican nominees look more like daytime screen stars than Walmart shoppin’, vaccine-hatin’, caramel macchiato- mispronouncin’ conservatives who think Zumba class is a liberal conspiracy. There’s former Utah governor Jon Huntsman with his uranium tan, Rogaine-box cover hair, and perpetually bemused eyebrow cock that seems to always say I’d rather be on the beach filming an Enya video. If Mitt Romney looks bizarrely familiar, it’s because you’ve seen him canoeing in a Lipitor commercial. Michelle Bachmann—yes, she’s a lunatic who shouts “innocent 12 year old girls!” like she’s chasing the R. Kelly vote, but this can’t be the first time your boner has embarrassed your brain.

I’d skew towards Huntsman in terms of IQ and Romney for sheer looks, but damn if Rick Perry wouldn’t make a great telenovela villain.  Muy caliente, indeed.

1. Nick Saban’s straw hat 
Yes, Nick Saban engendered plenty of goodwill this off-season with everything he did for the Tuscaloosa community in the wake of all those devastating tornadoes. But seriously, fuck him. Deep down, we all know he’s still the same bloodless vampire nomad who eats kittens. Just look at the way he walks around practice in that asshole-golfer straw hat that makes him look like a southern-fried Third World dictator.

5. Whenever LSU coach Les Miles does something amazingly stupid but somehow gets rewarded for it 
Why is he going for it on fourth-and-twenty-six from his own five-yard line with a two-point lead and forty-five seconds left on the clock? WHY, GOD, WHY? Wait, they converted it?! That makes absolutely no sense from a karma standpoint.

6. Fans of entire conferences
The SEC has won five straight national titles, and holy shit do people from the South hold up that streak with an incredible amount of misplaced pride, as if they’d attended all twelve schools in the conference simultaneously. That’s like saying you’re a fan of time zones.

GQ just made my day. Thank you, Drew Magary, for occasionally leaving Deadspin and spreading your brilliance to print media.

You’re supposed to unbutton the blazer when you sit down, genius.

(via 30andbroke)

(via themoneyisme)